Overcoming Personal Setbacks

Over the year, I’ve encountered various scenarios that have really impacted me psychologically – not knowing what to do, who to vent to or how to even overcome them. I’ve written this just as a word of advice for myself and for those that may have experienced or gone through similar situations as me, as well as the beneficial coping mechanisms I have found and practiced in order to keep my being at the place of contentment.

Earlier on this year I graduated from The BRIT School which is one of the best performing arts schools in the UK. The education was phenomenal, as well as the networks and connections that I made whilst attending there. In the sense of me finding myself, those two years were like a rollercoaster for me as I was confronted with so many things that I realised about myself and other people that were extremely overwhelming, but it has definitely contributed to the person that I am today.

At the beginning of the year, I thought my life was pretty much sorted. I got an unconditional offer and scholarship from my top choice university, my teachers from college reassured me that my grades would benefit me in the future due to how good they were, and I secured placements from numerous media companies over the summer. However, towards the end of college, the stress of the Final Major Project and other personal battles that I was experiencing completely deflated the happiness I had within me. I fell out with so many people that I considered life long friends, I let things get to me more than ever, I didn’t take rejection well at all when I felt that I was not making progression as quick as I should, and I slowly saw myself going into a downwards spiral because of this. I decided to defer university for the year, that way I know I would be in the right place of mind. I felt low, and I was trying to figure out how to get myself out of such a stressful long term situation. I couldn’t tell you how many times I cried and wanted to magically turn things around, it was so bad. Even the amount of advice that I received from those close to me hardly made a difference at first.

Keeping myself busy really did help me, especially over summer as I had all the time in the world to keep myself productive. I was so excited when my placements at ITV and Viacom started, I had no time to think about anything! I made new friends, visited old ones and went out a lot. It was amazing being in new environments, working and learning a lot about myself all at once.

One of my biggest challenges is overthinking. When I have nothing to do, I sit down and start thinking about things that are completely irrelevant and serve me no purpose – but at the time it felt like an ongoing problem that I couldn’t block out. It was disgusting how much I did this, I felt trapped, and no amount of advice, food or Netflix were a remedy for me. After my placements finished, I stayed at home day in day out, didn’t see anybody and got myself back in such a melancholy state. The motivation wasn’t there, and I didn’t have the encouragement within myself personally to lift myself up.

My mechanisms for tackling overthinking problems:

Understanding within myself that when I overthink, its temporary. It may feel very distasteful in the moment, but if I train my brain’s thought process, it will pass within time – but only I am able to make that change within myself, no one else.
Writing my thoughts on paper – Sometimes I write in my iPhone notes if I can’t be bothered to march to my dad’s office and get A4 paper from the printer. My thoughts are no one else’s but mine, it’s the perfect opportunity to get all my anxieties out in written form and accept what’s there. I read over them a few times, and ask myself if these problems will impact me in 5 years, if it doesn’t, I allow these problems to go away on it’s own. I am a human being, they won’t be forgotten or out of your mind in an instant, but telling my brain that I am willing to accept these things will ultimately allow my body and soul to correlate!
Praying – The thought of a higher being/energy listening to me and my worries gives me a sense of comfortability and assurance. When the other mechanisms I try to do don’t work as rapid as I want it to, I pray. I trust in this concept so much, especially when I feel as if it’s a last resort. For me, this does work, and my prayers are always answered within perfect timing.
Meditating – I use this app on my phone called Headspace, which is based on guided meditation to reduce anxiety and overthinking levels. It helps me focus on other things around me and my breathing for a minimum of ten minutes per session. After this, I put on some “432Hz” music on YouTube and try to fill my mind with positive thoughts about myself and what I have around me. The app is free, and has helped thousands of people, myself included!
Talking to a friend – I left this last on purpose, as it is important to always focus on yourself before relying on other people. I have this problem, as I am always quite dependent on other people when I feel down. But if you have a caring friend that is willing to listen to you crying on WhatsApp or vent intensely on iMessage, then this option is definitely one to consider. Talking to someone is very good if you feel as if you are in a low state in your life. It’s satisfying to have different perspectives on things other than your own sometimes.

Eventually, I was just so sick and tired of feeling the way I was. After a while, I decided to invest a lot of time into reading – even when I didn’t feel like it. One step to growth as a person is stepping out of your comfort zone, and doing things that make you uncomfortable. I started this in small doses such as reading short positive quotes on social media, then when I had more motivation, I began to read self empowerment books, and sending them to my close friends that were going through exactly the same thing as me. One thing that helped me so much was listening to music that made me want to get up and dance – these were songs that my parents always used to play when I was a child, and listening to soundtracks of movies I used to watch regularly (Dreamgirls & The Fighting Temptations are my personal favourites)!

I am a huge fan of nature, going out in my garden on a sunny day or watching the sunset did a lot for me. Not just because I disliked going long distances for a while or that I am vitamin D deficient, it’s because the heat and sunshine really improved my happiness levels. The brain produces more serotonin when you’re exposed to sunlight, which is a mood-lifting chemical, you might as well catch a cheeky tan whilst the sun is here, I mean, UK weather is trash and very unpredictable at times!

After doing a lot of research, I came across the concept of chakras and it’s healing properties. Chakras are the energy centres in our body in which energy flows through in the spiritual realm but can have an impact on the physical if they are not aligned. Many people meditate, burn incense and do yoga in order to keep these chakras in parallel, and use crystals in order to help this approach. Crystal healing is a natural medical technique in which crystals and other stones are used to cure ailments and protect against disease within our body. Spiritual theorists of this technique believe that crystals act as conductors for healing, by allowing positive, healing energy to flow into the body as negative, disease-causing energy flows out. Practicing this method and purchasing crystals that have healing properties definitely helped my conscious and subconscious, as when I wear these and have them in my room, the constant substantial reassurance benefits my happiness as a whole as well. I could go on for days about this, as I am continuing to educate myself, it’s so helpful knowing there are so many remedies and mechanisms to help people out there!

One book that I’ve purchased and absolutely fallen in love with is called: sacred woman – a guide to healing the feminine, mind, body & spirit by Queen Afua. This book is full of pages of wisdom and practices that can improve your bodily state, such as your diet and what you invest your time into whether that’s toxic people or surroundings. It’s not like a novel where you can read page by page, it’s a go-to book, that is split in segments where you can skip and go back to due to what scenario you aim to fix or amend. After reading this, I paid more attention to what I ate, surrounded myself with and how I spoke and treated people. If I am negative, I will attract negativity. So it’s important to always feed yourself with what you aim to captivate.

Lastly, I just wanted to stress that it is SO important to love yourself. How do you expect others to care for you if you do not care for yourself as much as you should? Dependency and to love self is an ongoing view and concept you should constantly have. You’ll never reach the peak of this, its always ongoing. Speaking good about yourself and sending love and gratitude to those that reciprocate these actions is one way of enabling happiness into your life. I’m very far from where I want to be, I am still young, I still want to do a lot for myself and grow as an individual. Be grateful for what you have too. Even me, I forget what I have until I sit back and think about how much God’s really blessed this life of mine. I have the best, loving and supporting parents I could ever ask for, I’ve got a small yet extremely supportive friendship circle, the most perfect and empathetic partner, a roof over my head, wonderful cousins, aunts and uncles. The list goes on. There are millions of people out there that are homeless, have no family, are struggling to find a meal to eat due to war, natural disasters and terrorism. It really puts things into perspective for me.

Don’t let anybody ever tell you that your feelings aren’t valid either, because what may be small to them could be extremely big to you. Every individual is different and may deal with things differently than others. It’s not an overnight process either, it will take time. For some it takes a few days, or even a few months. For me it took a year and a bit, to be honest these days I am still counting. However long it does take though, do not rush it. Everything happens in perfect timing always, just trust it.

This is my way of dealing with challenges that I may face as well as how to deal with them when they arise. Feel free to contact me on my socials if you have any questions about what I discussed on my blog – they’re attached here on my website! I am always here to listen and give advice where it’s needed.

If anybody feels as if they are in danger, please consider counselling or professional help in order for you to feel better. Below are a few organisations, services and charities that aim to improve and help your current state in regards to your mental health.

NHS, Mind, Born This Way Foundation, BACP, Samaritans

Thank you for reading!